In the modern world, methods of communication abound. We seem to never be more than an arm’s length from the ones we love, regardless of where they are physically located. And yet when a divorce occurs, many parents fear that their continuing relationship with their children is threatened as they may no longer be under the same roof every day.
It is commonplace for a parenting plan to state that each parent is guaranteed reasonable communication with their child while they are with the other parent. With the variety of different platforms to choose from, a parent is able to keep up with their child via phone call, text message, email, or a plethora of video and audio chatting apps. If necessary, it is possible for the Plan to state with specificity the time, length, and manner in which the communication between the parent and child will occur. However, many Parenting Plans do not define what constitutes “reasonable” communication.
A common grievance when it comes to parent-child communication is that the child doesn’t want to talk for very long, if at all. If this is a situation you feel all too familiar with, keep the following in mind:
Ideally, reasonable communication would allow a parent and child to talk as much as they would like. But due to schedules of the parents and children, reasonableness becomes harder to determine. A parent must also take into consideration that children, specifically young children, do not have the patience nor the social skills to have long phone conversations, or any at all. Because of this, parents should keep in mind the following:
- *Children, specifically young children, do not have the patience or skillset to engage in phone conversations. The parent will need to adjust their expectations of how long the call will last.
- *If the other parent is ok with it, try talking to your child over a video chat. This is often an easier way to engage, especially with young children.
- *Do not force your child to be on the phone.
- *Respect the child’s decision of how long the call will be.
- *Talk about the child, not you. Demonstrate your interest in them.
- *Do not interrogate your child about what’s happening at the other parents’ house. This has the potential to cause the child to feel they are in the middle of parental conflict.
- *Ask about specifics in their day to get them engaged in the conversation. Ask open-ended questions that require more than a yes or no answer, and then give your child time to answer the question.
It should be noted that forcing your child to participate in conversations may result in estranging yourself from your child. You want your child to be excited about talking to you, rather than thinking about it as a chore. Though you may be missing out on time with them, you have to consider that they may not want to stop doing what they are doing and devote all their attention to you at that exact moment. Be flexible. Forcing your child into a phone call will not work in favor of a positive relationship long term. You have to show your child that you care and respect them and are there for them when they need and want you to be. As kids grow older, it may be useful to find other avenues to communicate with them that meet them where they’re at, such as exchanging text messages or voice chatting while playing a video game together.