Co-Parenting Issues: Kids’ Clothes
One post-separation parenting issue that commonly rears its ugly head is the dispute over sharing clothing. I often get calls from a parent along the lines of, “I bought this coat, and the child wore it to Mom’s, and it never came back,” or, “Dad always sends the child home in ill-fitting clothing and keeps the nice clothes I have purchased.”
There are several ways to approach this issue. One would be to treat clothing as a shared expense similar to school fees and medical bills. Designate one parent as the person who buys the clothing and receives reimbursement from the other parent for part of the costs. With this approach the clothing is not viewed as belonging just to the parent who purchased it, as both parents contributed. This approach works particularly well with things like shoes and coats. (If one parent is paying guideline child support to the other parent, then keep in mind that the part of the purpose of support is to pay for things like clothing. That parent has, therefore, already paid their share.)
Another approach is to take note of the outfit the child is wearing when they arrive at your home. Be sure to wash the child’s clothes and then return them in the same set of clothes when they go back to the other parent’s home. This ensures that you are never accused of keeping something the other parent purchased, nor do you have to worry about something you purchased not returning.
Some parents choose to mark the clothing they purchase in an inconspicuous manner. They then periodically look through the child’s clothing and return to the other parent the things that parent purchased.
There are certainly other methods of resolution. The one you choose should be one that causes the least amount of conflict for your particular family—especially the children.
Whichever way you choose to work out this issue, my best legal advice to you is to not put your child in the middle. Do not ask the child to be in charge of making sure clothes are returned. Keep in mind that the child is already adjusting to having two different homes, and that any animosity between you and your ex should not trickle over to them. Tracking clothing between those homes may be a stress the child cannot handle.
Have other questions on how to handle custody or shared parenting issues? Contact Melanie Mize, attorney, at melanie@memlawyer.com.